What Makes Wufei Nosebleed??
by Crystal Maxwell-Yuy
Summary: i suck at summaries, so just read the title ok? thankz...flames and reviews wanted..CHAP 2 UP!!! bak by popular demand. yaoi implications, thats why ratings gone up....--;;
1. First chapter

What Makes Wufei Nosebleed??  
by -shinigami-  
disclaimer: i dont own wufei[i wish] but i own the questions that i ask.  
_~*~_  
shinigami: today we are going to find out what makes Wufei nosebleed!  
wufei: ::grunt:: humph, hurry up onna. ::mutters:: please Nataku, lend me your strength for this lame interview. I know I am not worthy Nataku, please, just this once!  
shinigami: ok ok enough chit-chat. lets begin!  
audience: YAY! WE LOVE YOU WUFEI!  
wufei: SHUT UP! I am TRYING to meditate!  
audience: WE'RE SORRY WUFEI!  
wufei: better.  
shinigami ^_^;; eheheh...lets begin. ok?  
::silence::  
shinigami: lets begin ok?!  
::silence::  
shinigami: I SAID, LETS BEGIN OK?!!  
everyone: FINE FINE! JUST STOP YELLING!  
shinigami -_-;; audiences are hopeless....  
wufei: got that right sista  
shinigami: what-everrrr...ok ok...do onnas make you nosebleed?  
wufei: no. onnas give me major migranes.  
audience: AWWWW![a/n..by now you must have guessed the whole audience is made of "onnas"]  
shinigami: oook...katanas?  
wufei: no. I like katanas. they are useful for chopping up stuff.  
audience o.O  
shinigami: ::gasp:: heh...er...chow mein?  
wufei: yum.   
shinigami: your name?  
wufei: DO NOT INSULT MY NAME ONNA!  
audience: O.O;;  
shinigami: er..sorry....ummmm the elastic on your rubber band?  
wufei: sometimes. it only happened when I was little.  
audience: ::coos while picturing a nude baby wufei with a tight ponytail and a nosebleed on a beach towel::  
shinigami: oookkk...umm...karate?  
wufei: what is "karate"?  
shinigami: dont ask  
wufei: ok  
shinigami: does your reflection make you nosebleed?  
wufei: ya think?  
shinigami: maybe  
wufei: I WANT MY KATANAS!  
shinigami: DONT GIVE HIM THE KATANAS!  
audience: WE WANT THE KATANAS!  
wufei: YOU WILL ALL DIE! WHY OH WHY DID I LET MAXWELL TALK ME INTO THIS?  
shinigami: cus I payed him 500 dollars   
wufei: go figure  
shinigami: erm....do onnas make you nosebleed?  
wufei: you already asked that idiot woman!!  
shinigami: ::gasp:: MY bad! er.....Duo?  
wufei: no. duo gives me a larger migrane than onnas.  
shinigami: ok ok...last one.  
wufei: finally!  
shinigami: anything sexual or obscene?  
wufei: ::nosebleeds:: ack!  
shinigami: there you have it folks! THAT is what makes Wufei nosebleed!  
audience: YAY!  
shinigami: tune in next time...I hope.....aaa Wufei, go get a tissue, blood on the floor doesnt make the show look too good......  
-fini-  
_~*~_  
wufei: ack...tissue!  
treize: Lady Une! Get Dragon a tissue!  
lady une: yes sir, but I don't understand why you have to call him "Dragon"  
treize: dragons are "cute"[a/n....better stop cus itll prolli turn into a yaoi fic..] 


	2. Wu-bear is back!

What Makes Wufei Nosebleed? part II..  
by -shinigami-  
disclaimer: same blah blah, me no own gundam wing   
a/n to the audience: ok ok i was up untill midnight trying to think of someting..i havent updated in ages...GOMEN NASAI MY FAITHFUL READERS~~~~~  
writers block, ur warned, maybe some stuff dont make sense..the onli way i could stay up was drinking vast amounts of water, also known as 5 bottles gone through already....--;; WARNING! YAOI implications. no like, no read. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. yaoi ahead. i dont really like yaoi or hentai much but the opportunity was RIGHT THERE so yeah.....  
_~*~_  
wufei: onna, have you taken me on your stupid show again??!!  
shinigami: yeup. this time, we're gonna make you nosebleed again  
audience: yay yay yay!  
shinigami and wufei: O_o  
audience: *huge audience sweatdrop*  
wufei: ok so how much did you pay maxwell to talk me into this one?  
shinigami: three quarters, a nickel, five dimes and a penny  
wufei: THATS CHEAP ONNA!  
shinigami: lets get down ta business! today it will be diffrent. I will name a few people just to see which name makes you nosebleed.  
wufei: no  
shinigami: maganacs! *snaps fingers*  
*maganacs appear from nowhere*  
rasid: no problem Miss Shinigami, anything for a friend of Master Winner!!  
*maganacs proceed to tie up wufei to a chair and break his katana in half*  
shinigami: thanks rasid! thank you maganac corps  
maganacs and rasid: YOUR WELCOME MISS SHINIGAMI!  
wufei: i demand you let me out of this whatchamacallit...  
shinigami: a chair  
wufei: a chylair, whatever...and let me go home!  
shinigami: uh uh! not untill i finish this  
wufei: harrumph how many names are on this?  
shinigami: *crosses her fingers behind her back* ohh about two or three  
wufei: *grumble grumble* fine fine  
shinigami: tell me what you think about Duo Maxwell.  
wufei: duo is a baka. the world would be a better place without him.  
duo: you really think that wufei? *sad face*  
wufei: yes baka. now come here.  
duo: *walks over*  
wufei: closer  
duo: *walks closer*  
wufei: now look into my eyes  
duo: *looks* ooh i can see my reflection!  
wufei: look into my eyes duo.  
duo: im looking  
wufei: IHATEYOUYABAKAONNA! GETTHEHELLAWAYFROMME!  
duo: *looking dazed* huh?  
shinigami: maganacs!  
maganacs: yes Miss Shinigami?  
shinigami: please take my brother[yes folks, BROTHER] into the backroom to be refreshed.  
maganacs: yes Miss Shinigami!  
*maganacs take Duo backstage*  
wufei: harrumph  
shinigami: i hope youre happy wu-bear  
wufei: DONT CALL ME WU-BEAR! KISAMA  
shinigami: watch your language wu-bear!   
wufei: its WUFEI NOT WUBEAR  
shinigami: dont be silly! now what do you think of sally?  
wufei: i dont care about her. for all i know, i would leave her dead in a ditch  
audience: *winces*ooh thats cold wu-bear  
wufei: KISAMA! I AM NOT WU-BEAR!  
audience member 1: still its cold  
audience member 2: yeah wufei, be nicer  
wufei: FINE FINE!  
shinigami: tell me, what do you think of heero yuy? *thinks things that she shouldnt* dont you just think hes the hottest sweetest and most suicidal thing youve ever seen?  
wufei: hah! yuy is only a stupid assasin. I*puffs out chest* am the true hot sweet thang  
audience member 3: ooh wufei, got a lil something for the hostess?  
wufei: *blushing crimson* NO!!!  
audience member 3: aww tell us, what are you thinking about the hostess?  
wufei: NOTHING! she is only a weak onna  
audience member 4: thats not what i think...look! wufei's going red!  
wufei: ok ok maybe i DO like the hostess a little  
audience: awwwwwwwww  
shinigami: *obviously confused* ok on with the show.........what do you think of quatre raberba winner?  
wufei: hmph whats there to say? hes a rich bitch, he has tha maganac corps, he wears PINK and he understands thought-speak..the whole thing speaks for itself.  
shinigami: hear hear  
random quatre fan: NOT TRUE! YOURE CALLING HIM A PANSY ARENT YOU?! *runs out crying*  
shinigami: oookk...what do you think of Trowa?  
wufei: trowa is silent. I dont know him that well so i have no thing to say about him.  
trowa: .... ..... ....!!!!! ///_-;;  
quatre: *nods* i understand trowa. trowa says: i hate you! you are so disappointing!!  
wufei: ITS NOT MY FAULT  
heero: it is. omae o korosu  
wufei: HELP ME ONNA!  
shinigami: hiiiiii heero *grin*  
heero: hiiiii shinigami*smirk...::faiiint::*  
shinigami: ya know...theres this place around the corner called Moonlite Restraunt.......  
heero: sure, lets go after the show  
shinigaimi: *squeeeeeelll*yay!  
wufei: untie me at once onna! injustice, this isnt the time for you to be flirting around with my colleague!  
shinigami: soOos?  
wufei: LET...ME...GO!  
shinigami: no  
wufei: why not  
shinigami: im not done yet  
audience: get on with it!  
audience member 5: c'mon i gotta meet my wife for dinner!!  
audience member 5's wife: but dear, im right here  
audience member 5: oh yeah....  
wufei: fine fine hurry!  
shinigami: what do you think of zechs merquise a.k.a. milliardo peacecraft?  
wufei: never ever trust anyone who's been with OZ.  
shinigami: we'll keep that in mind.  
wufei: you better  
shinigami: oh is that a threat?!  
wufei: you bet it is  
shinigami: sorry but im gonna have to schedule this fight next wednesday cus im all booked up this and next week ok? is 5:00pm down by the old lot ok?  
wufei: yeah  
shinigami: *writes down* showdown with wu-bear. old lot 5:00pm  
wufei: ok ok  
shinigami: last one!! what do you think about treize?  
wufei: *turns red and starts to squirm* t-t-treize?  
shinigami: yeah, treize  
wufei: t-t-treize kushrenada?  
treize: who called my name? *looks around* ah dragon!  
wufei: kushrenada.  
treize: dear dear, what ARE you doing tied down to this AWFULLY old chair?  
shinigami: its from 2002!  
treize: oh really? my great great grandmother Alexandra Kushrenada and my great great grandfather Linus Kushrenada were alive then  
shinigami: so was my great great great grandmother Crystal  
treize: oh how WONDERFUL!  
shinigami: aint it?  
wufei: lemme go!  
treize: dear me dragon, you seem to have gotten yourself into QUITE[emphasis on the quite part...] a mess!  
wufei: no shit sherlock  
treize: no matter....I'll get you out  
wufei: arigatou.....CURSES! im using japanese words again!.....  
shinigami: ni hao mah  
wufei: you know chinese?   
shinigami: no...i only know ni hao mah ^.^  
audience: --;;  
wufei: AT LAST IM FREE*stands up*  
audience: GO HOME LASSIE! GO HOME!  
wufei: i am i am  
shinigami: soOo heero.....  
heero: yeeesss?  
duo: heero! are you hitting on my little sister? shame on you! shame shame shame!  
heero: what? shes your twin. we're the same age  
duo: yeah but still, im ten minutes older than her....  
shinigami: so?  
duo: i mean....aw man! go ahead kids, have fun  
shinigami: bye duo  
heero: yeah bye  
_~*~_  
AND WE CLOSE WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER OF *drumroll please* WHAT MAKES WUFEI NOSEBLEED?!~~ review PLEAAAASSSEEE 


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